Studying a Grandmother's Love

One of the greatest things that has ever happened to me is that I have become a grandfather. I love playing with my grandkids and joke with my daughter:

“Wow if I knew how great grandkids are, I would have skipped you guys entirely.”

She knows I’m joking. I love my kids a ton as well.  It did make me wonder what might be the difference between people’s love for their kids vs their love for grandchildren.

Surprise, surprise - there’s a study for that.

Researchers at Emory University scanned the brains of 50 grandmothers while they looked at pictures of:

• Their grandchildren

• Their adult children, and

• Unknown people.

Here’s what they discovered: grandmothers' brains light up in completely different ways depending on who they're looking at.

When grandmothers see photos of their grandchildren, their brains activate areas associated with emotional empathy—the parts that help us feel what another person is feeling. This includes regions that handle emotions and even physical movement, as if the grandmother's brain is instinctively preparing her to comfort, hold, or play with the child. It's a visceral, gut-level response rooted in emotion and instinct.

This makes evolutionary sense. Grandmothers evolved to care for young children—babies and toddlers who are helpless and need immediate, emotional responses. Their brains are essentially saying, "This child needs comfort, and I will provide it right now.”

Interestingly, when those same grandmothers viewed pictures of their adult children, their brains activated different areas—those involved in cognitive empathy. This is the thinking part of love.

Rather than an instant emotional response, grandmothers are trying to mentally understand:

• What their adult child is thinking

• What they might need, and

• What challenges they're facing

In other words, the love for an adult child is more analytical. It involves stepping back and asking, "What is my child dealing with? How can I support them?" It's less about immediate comfort and more about deep understanding.

This isn't to say one type of love is stronger or better—they're simply different. A grandmother's love for her grandchildren taps into the oldest, most primal parts of caregiving: the impulse to nurture, protect, and respond emotionally. Her love for her adult children is more complex—it's built on decades of history, understanding, and the recognition that they need a different kind of support.

Some grandmothers in the study who showed the strongest desire to be involved in grandchild care were those whose brains showed especially high activity in these emotional empathy regions. The brain, it seems, isn't just feeling love—it's actually driving the level of involvement grandmothers want to have.

If you've ever wondered why grandmothers sometimes seem to operate on pure instinct with grandchildren while being more measured with their adult children, now you know: it's literally how their brains are wired. Both types of love are profound—just expressed through different neural pathways.

The study also made me wonder if it’s more what stage in life for the love rather than whether they are children or grandchildren. Fully-grown children may not need that protective instinct as much as a new born baby or young child.

My Mom always tells me ‘a mother always worries about her children no matter what age they are”. That probably extends to grandchildren as well.