A Wedding in Minnesota — and What It Reminded Me About Health

This past weekend, I traveled to Chisago Lake, Minnesota and watched my son marry the love of his life.

I don't have the words to fully capture it, so I won't try too hard.

• The moment he saw his bride.

• The toast that made the whole room laugh and then, a sentence later, go quiet.

• The feeling my wife and I had that we had raised a good son

There were friends I hadn't seen in years, my son’s buddies who brought back so many memories of him growing up, and a dance floor that did not empty until the lights came up. I flew home tired in the best way — the kind of tired that comes from a full heart rather than a long to-do list.

On the flight back, I found myself thinking about how rare these gatherings have become, and how much we need them. So I did a little reading, and what I found surprised me.

It turns out that being around the people you love isn't just good for the soul — it's measurably good for the body. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed hundreds of people for over 80 years, making it one of the longest studies of its kind ever conducted. Its central finding, in the words of its director Dr. Robert Waldinger, is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. The researchers found something remarkable: people's satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 predicted their physical health at 80 better than their cholesterol levels did.

Let that sink in. The warmth of your relationships in midlife may tell you more about how you'll age than a number on a lab report.

It goes further. Harvard Health reports that people with satisfying relationships with family, friends, and community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. One large study of more than 309,000 people found that a lack of strong relationships raised the risk of early death by 50% — an effect on par with smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and greater than obesity or inactivity.

Strong connection, it seems, helps your nervous system relax, keeps your brain healthier longer, and reduces both emotional and physical pain.

I'm not sharing this to turn a wedding into a science lecture. I'm sharing it because it confirmed something I felt in my bones all weekend: those hours with family weren't time away from the things that matter. They were the thing that matters.

We tell ourselves we're too busy. The drive is too long, the calendar too full, the airfare too steep. But the research — and my own tired, happy heart — says the visit is worth it. The Sunday dinner is worth it. The phone call to the relative you keep meaning to call is worth it.

So here's my encouragement to you this week: reach out to someone in your family. Don't wait for a wedding to bring you together.

Mine reminded me what I'd been missing. I hope you don't have to wait that long.